His name is Jayo Anwonety Ow Lackerb*… and I am in love with him… Ive slaked him on Facebook, sent him dozens of messages on whatsapp, pretended to be someone else on Twitter  and even blocked my number numerous times so i could hear his voice/talk to him. I AM IN LOVE WITH Jayo Anwonety Ow Lackerb* BUT HE DOESN’T LOVE ME BACK! 😥

He keeps saying I should give him time but how much time should i give? i even planned to ask him out for my birthday but I’m scared he’d deny my invitation. Should I believe him when he says he loves me? Should I believe when he says he cares? Should I believe when he says I should wait?

I really don’t know anymore…

*- name jumbled to protect person.

Unhappy

I’m not happy… I’m so unhappy with every aspect of my life. I’m unhappy with the fact that I no longer attend school, that my mom and I are barely making ends meet and the fact that I really want a relationship but every guy I seem to like doesn’t like me back. I’m SOOOOOOO DEPRESSED. Its like one point I’m happy and the other I just go real depressed… like this deep dark pit that has no end just consumes my body.

I had a great friend that would listen to all my drama. We’ve never met but hes really important to me. He’s also gay, 19 years old and lives in another parish. I can really trust him and the distance between us helps. Its like if I tell him something I wont see the judgement on his face, I don’t have worry about the fact that all of my other friends will know about all the problems I’m having, all the darkness that consumes me on a day-to-day basis. Even though he helps me get through now hes going through alotta personal shit. He needs some space to get through his stuff and this might sound selfish but I NEED him because hes my only survival. Nobody but him knows so much about me. I feel as if I’ve been isolated by everybody else and now the one person who truly understand everything I’ve been through and I love him he’s my best friend.

I have to keep up a front for my mom because I cant let it slip that I’m unhappy.